


Female Robbery

by disneylou



Category: Hat Films - Fandom, The Yogscast
Genre: F/M, M/M, being cuties, benji and sam are a little later, but they are in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-04 01:22:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4121152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disneylou/pseuds/disneylou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>its kind of hard to concentrate when your bait, in this case kim, makes you dissy with unknown and unexplainable feelings. smith, trott, ross, benji, and strippin are your cliche "heist operators". just a fancy word to use instead of bank robbers. put that on your resume.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i think i found hell

**Author's Note:**

> this took me so long! along with a friend of mine, I was able to make this shitty fic. i'm not sure how many parts this will have. I'm just experimenting with the hatsounds ship, specifically smith and kim. look, [fanart](http://thatonevalgirldraws.tumblr.com/post/120511042016/i-live-for-this-au-oh-my-go-d) for heistfilms. (thats what im calling this au)

"Uh, deposit?" Duncan smiled, sliding the check to the bank teller.

"How's it feel to get your first proper checking account, Dunc?" Kim giggled, watching him sign the receipt.

"Good! It's so cool to have a permanent job," the blonde gripped his phone and moved so Kim can explain to her coworker that she was going on break. "I can finally move out."

Kim snorted, "Who said you had to move out? We can be roommates! It's a little more expensive but we can do it.. right?"

Duncan blushed and bit his lip, "Yeah! of course!"

The duo's conversation was cut short by rapid gun fire and screaming.

"Get fucking down!" a ginger guy yelled from behind his balaclava, a group of men piling through the door, "Did you fucking hear me?" he growled, shooting a young man's leg who was still standing.

"You." the shorter one huffed, gripping Duncan's wrist.

"Hey! Let him go!" Kim yelled, yelping as another dark haired guy gripped her hair and dragged her along with Duncan into the backroom.

"Kill anyone and I _swear to god Benji_ ," the ginger huffed into a walkie-talkie, slamming the door and watching the other two robbers as they patrolled the group of citizens. "You too Strippin."

 _'Ye, ye, alright Boss. Don't get feisty. Benj and I got crowd control, right?'_ a thick London-ish accent pooled through the device followed by chuckling from who was presumed to be Benji before it was shut off.

"Ross!" the short one pushed Duncan against the wall and watched him fall, pointing his pistol at him to make sure he stayed put.

"This one works here." Ross growled, pushing Kim down along with Duncan.

"Smiffy are you su-" the short one started, watching Ross tie Kim up and place a strip of duct tape over her mouth.

"Get up and get the fucking cash," Smiffy growled at Duncan, ignoring the shorter one's protest. He pointed his gun at the blonde, "You heard me, Puff Pastry, get the money or we'll shoot you and your girlfriend. Watch 'em Trott." Smiffy's head motioned to Duncan as Trott pulled him up, growling threats.

"What are we gonna do with her?" Ross asked nervously, gripping his gun.

"Hopefully not kill her, we wanna keep it clean." The ginger crouched down and chuckled, pushing her head to the side with his gun, "You're a pretty little thing, aren't you?"

"Don't touch her!" Duncan yelled, groaning in pain when Trott hit him, pushing him to the ground next to Kim.

The blonde sat up, trying to stop his bleeding nose, "Don't touch her.."

Smiffy motioned for Ross to take the tape off her mouth as he stood, rolling his eyes. Quickly, the darker haired lad ripped it from her face and she whined, struggling against the rope.

"What do you fuckers want?" Kim growled, spitting on Ross' shoes.

"Fucking bitch!" Ross hissed starting to launch toward her but Smiffy held him back.

"Duncan is too incompetent to open the safe. We need her." Smiffy chuckled and bent so he could cut her loose.

Kim punched him and was pushed back by Trott who watched his friend caress his bleeding lip. Smiffy chuckled and dabbed his lip, running his tounge over the quickly bruising spot, "I like her."

He gripped Kim's arm, taking her to the other room and slamming the door.

“Hey! Let him go!” Smiffy mocked in a high pitched voice, chuckling and hissing as Kim punched him, “What? Don't gotta be handsy! You already punched me.. remember?”

Kim rolled her eyes, turning the lock and opening the safe, “You know me, Smith, I'm greedy.” she huffed, crossing her arms, “I like seconds.”

Smiffy chuckled and bit his lip as he gripped a wad of cash and kissed it, “Fucking jackpot, baby!” he wooed earning another punch and a 'Be quiet' from the shorter girl.

"Do your partners know what you're doing?" Kim smirked and helped Smiffy place the rest of the money in the bag.

"What? This?" Smiffy chuckled and gently pressed his lips to Kim's, caressing her face.

"I fucking hate you." Kim huffed in-between kisses.

"I know, baby. Not the first person to." Smiffy kissed her neck, humming. "What about your boyfriend?"

"Duncan? Nah, not my type."

"And I am?"

Kim snorted and sat up on the desk, "You're just lucky I like you. If my co-workers found out, I'd get fired."

Smiffy hummed again and kissed her once more, making sure it lingered, "Come over later, yeah?"

Kim rolled her eyes and pushed open the door, rushing out as if she was forced. "Duncan, are you okay?" she whimpered, hugging the larger guy.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine."

Kim gripped his hand and helped him up, rushing out the back room, scowling at the other boys.

"Does the fat one know?" Trott asked, following Smiffy out of the fire escape as he told Strippin and Benji directions over the walkie-talkie.

"His name is Duncan and no, he doesn't. She doesn't know that you and the rest of the guys know." Smiffy chuckled, climbing down the ladder. “It's a win-lose, kinda.”

Trott rushed ahead to open the van's back doors to put the money in as well as wait for Strippin, Benji, and Ross to climb in.

"I think i love her, mate." Smiffy turned the key in the ignition, as Trott slid into the passengers seat.

A raucous groan of disapproval came from the back as Smiffy sped off, trying his best to evade the cops.

“The fuck do you mean you're in love with her?” Strippin growled, furrowing his brows and Benji silently giggled next to him. “Yeah, she's our bait so you gotta have a good relationship but no one fucking said to get married to 'er!”

“Did I say I was getting married to her, Strippin? I didn't fucking think so! She's just a stupid girl, alright. Nothing is gonna get in the god damn way of us. Of what we have.” Smiffy huffed as the boys shouted happily, “Now, lets spend our brain power on trying to get rid of the cops.”

“And spend our money on drinks?” Ross suggested from the back.

“Sure mate, why the fuck not.” Smiffy approved, chuckling along with the boys.

Yeah, sure, Smiffy made his friends happy but it doesn't mean he was. He promised himself he wouldn't get attached and he promised himself he would not get infatuated but damn, that was hard. Hopefully a few shots of whiskey in him will help out. Maybe that bottle of wine at home will get him drunk enough when Kim comes over.

_Shit._

He's screwed.


	2. i would never run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chapter names are so boring but hey look, the second installment to the whatever how many parts there are of this fic! warning, softcore porn ahead as well. i hope you guys enjoy!

The darkened roads were only illuminated by the streetlamps that hung above them and the glistening faces of a certain group of robbers. Trott called in a new vehicle as well as changed the plates which earned cheerful applause from his team members.

“Trott is smart as fuck, mate.” Strippin gushed, watching the shorter lad turn slightly pink.

“Smarter than your girlfriend, mate.” Ross teased, soft oohs and giggles sounding from the group of boys, “Its just an observation.”

Strippin raised his eyebrows, portraying mock sadness, “Ross Hornby, I never thought you would say such a thing about your mother like that.”

The group erupted into thundering laughter as they neared the bar. “Bloody hell, Thorne, I never knew you had it in you,” exclaimed Ross, ruffling his hair, “Your first drink is on me.”

“Hey, I banged your mum too!” Benji whined from the back, waving his hand.

“You too, Benj.”

The party made their way into the bar, immediately sliding into a booth, “I'll get our drinks.” Smiffy hummed, and after taking some money and requests, he sauntered up to the counter.

“Uh, two beers, one of those fancy martini drinks with the salt on and.. whiskey,” Smiffy dropped a couple of bills and chuckled, “Actually, the whole fucking bottle of whiskey, mate, cheers.”

“Bad day?” a stranger from the bar chuckled, stirring his ice in his empty glass. 

Smiffy chuckled and settled in the stool next to him, “Nah, pretty damn good.”

The stranger snorted and popped an ice cube into his mouth, “Coming from the guy who just bought a whole bottle of Jack Daniels. Don't sound like good day to me mate.”

Smiffy raised his brow and turned to the guy, smiling nervously, “I like to drink man. Oi, who are you to..” The ginger sucked in a breath as the man looked up at him, the familiar smile settling on this stranger's face.

“Sips?” 

“In the mother fucking flesh.”

Smiffy got up and hugged the older man, patting his back, “Mate where the fuck have you been, Ross and I thought you died or something!”

Sips chuckled, lifted a finger and the bartender poured some more of his drink into his glass, “I just.. wiped myself off the face of the earth for a while. Bought a house, settled down.. I have kids now.” he shrugged, sipping from the glass, “Everything has gone great. You still breaking and entering?”

Smiffy rolled his eyes, “I'm not 17 anymore, Sips! We hit the jack pot, mate,” he lowered his voice, swallowing, “10 million pounds.. in one hit.”

Sips nodded, humming, “Who'd you use?” Smiffy jumped back and cocked his brow, offended. “Who'd I-- no one! We did it on our own.”

The older guy chuckled and pinched Smiffy's cheeks, “You're a horrible liar, Smith.” he smiled and stood, taking his drink and settling down at the booth with the rest of the group who greeted Sips' presence with nonsensical exclamation and giggles.

Smith slid into the rather large booth next to Benji, smiling when a waitress placed their drinks on the table.

After a while of laughing and jokes that are nonsense, the group were completely shitfaced, Trott being the only one to stay sober while ignoring constant jokes of “Trottimus is boooring” from the other five.

“Smiffy's a ginger cunt.” Sips sing-songed, chuckling and downing the rest of the Jack Daniel's bottle. In an instant, Ross laughed hard enough to nearly get them kicked out, the faction earning a stern warning from the bartender.

“Sorry?” Smiffy chuckled, squinting, meanwhile Ross was still trying to catch his breath, “What did I do this time?”

Sips smiled and stood, stretching, “I had a great time boys. Call me if you need anything, alright?”

The group nodded and said their goodbyes as the elder left the group, the soft ding of the bell on the door signaling that he was gone.

“It's 5 till midnight, lads, we best get all of you home.” Trott groaned, dreading the fact he had to drag the group like a bunch of primary school kids.

Subsequent to their arrival to the van, with a lot of corralling, Trott finally started the car and the group drove off, the incandescent of the bar just a flicker of life in the darkened streets.

“Smith, you're home.” Trott shook the ginger lad and he smiled, unbuckling his seat. He stepped out of the van and fumbled for his keys, dropping them a couple of times.

Opening the door to his flat and making his way up the stairs, he was startled to see Kim on his couch. Stumbling backwards and nearly falling over, he gripped his chest, “Jesus Christ, Kim! You scared the fuck out of me!” he chuckled, tugging off his jacket and toeing off his shoes.

“Out drinking?” she asked, not looking up from her book in her lap.

“Yeah.” he huffed, plopping down on the couch next to her. “Sorry.”

Kim raised a brow. “For not coming earlier.. I feel bad.” he answered.

She shrugged and placed the book down, gasping when he pressed his lips to her neck, “You smell so gross..” she huffed, biting her lip to hold back a moan cause _God_ this guy is amazing with his mouth. 

“How much whiskey did you drink?” Kim groaned and tugged off his shirt, helping him take off her own.

“Mm.” Smith responded, kissing down her chest and then down her stomach. “Trousers.”

Kim rolled her eyes and unbuttoned her jeans for him and squealed when he tore them off, swearing under his breath. “You dressed up for me, didn't you?” he asked, settling himself between her legs with one of them perched on his shoulder. 

Kim blushed, “What? No! I just thought they were c-cute.”

Smith hummed and kissed the insides of her thighs, leaving hickeys, “Such a bad liar for a pretty girl.” he chuckled, sliding off her panties and quickly latching his mouth onto her sex, making Kim arch her back in ecstasy.

She gripped his hair, pushing her hips agaisnt his face, “G-Give me a warning next time!”

Moans from both Smiffy and Kim filled the room and it wasn't long until she came, thighs quivering. Smiffy pulled back and licked his lips, pocketing her panties and stumbling to the bedroom, Kim following him after she scrambled for the rest of her clothes.

“Smiffy, you bastard, I--” He was face down on the bed, back rising and falling in a steady rhythm meaning he had fallen asleep.

Kim chuckled and flicked off the light before making sure he was warm and comfortable, “Good night, Smith.”

_

The first thing that woke Smiffy up was the damned light that always made its way through the blinds as well as the smell of breakfast. Sitting up, the bloke was quite confused as to why he still had on his jeans and.. a pair of – _oh._

Standing up, Smiffy gripped his head and sat back down, catching eye of a note written in fluid, pretty penmanship. _'Morning sleepyhead!'_ he read as he scarfed down the water and ibuprofen that was next to it. _'You probably have a horrible hangover so I've left you some ibuprofen as well as a glass of water, just in case you haven't seen it yet (which you probably have). I'm currently making breakfast, why don't you come eat? - Kim'_

Smiffy stood and waddled to the kitchen and looked out into the living room. Kim had slept on the couch.. and now he feels bad. “Kim?”

She was adorned in one of his maroon shirts that was a _tad_ too big for her with, from what he saw, no bra on. This girl was trying to kill him.

“Morning! I borrowed your shirt, if you don't mind.” she hummed, motioning for him to sit down. “On the menu today is.. bacon, eggs, cereal.. and pancakes!” Kim giggled, stepping up on the stool she used to get a couple of plates (which he won't admit is really cute but oh my god that's so fucking cute).

“I feel bad about letting you sleep on the couch..” Smiffy sighed, sipping the coffee she set in front of him, “I mean you could have slept in my room.”

Kim shook her head and placed his breakfast in front of him, “You were way too comfortable!” Smiffy looked down at his plate and noticed how pretty it was. It was covered in hearts and cute smiley faces on the pancakes. 

Fuck, he was going under and, honestly, he didn't wanna come back up.

**Author's Note:**

> be sure to hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/mspaintcat) and [tumblr](http://tinytriton.tumblr.com/)! i'll take requests for drabbles and even fic ideas!


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